I came across this article and it truly is hilarious.
Not only can I relate to all 20 items on the list in some unique and intimate way, but this relationship is nothing new to me.  Born and raised in Boulder, I was certainly “doomed” (maybe not the correct choice of words, but I’ll say it anyway) into the wellness world from the start!

20 Signs You’re A Wellness Junkie (Hilarious).

Here goes…

Here are 20 signs (quite possibly from the Universe!) that you, too, are way into wellness. 
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1. You could hypothetically eat all your beauty products. 
Your kitchen and bathroom contain all the same ingredients. In fact, if it weren’t for the shower, you couldn’t tell them apart.
I actually fall a little short on this one.  Sometimes I do succumb to Formula 409.  It just works better for a germaphobe.  But, vinegar suffices for everything else but the tub when it comes to cleaning.
2. You don’t set goals, only intentions.
And then you manifest them.
Need I say more?
3. You forget, in casual conversation, that not everyone knows what a Vitamix is.
It’s soooo much more than “an expensive blender,” but you haven’t found a succinct way to say that convincingly.
I recently assumed when teaching a class that EVERYONE knew how to operate a Vitamix.  Apparently I was wrong.  (How can you NOT know???).
4. There are no plastic containers in your kitchen—only mason jars.
If we can all agree on one thing, it’s that BPA is the worst. Besides, how else would you transport your organic juice?
The kitchen cupboard is packed to the gills with glass jars at the moment.
080812 jars
5. You know at least one person who goes by his spiritual name.
You can’t pronounce it, and he’ll always be Dave to you.
Oh I grew up surrounded by this one.  Rowdy, Michah, where are you?  Who are you?
6. You know acai is a 3-syllable word.
 
Much like OM (A-U-M).
Of course – oh, and being the “food snob” that I am, there is no ‘X’ in the word espresso.
Acai-Berry-2
7. You’ve taken a side in the juicing-versus-blending debate.
Right now you’re Team Smoothie, mostly because you love your Vitamix.
Juice certainly tastes good, and so do smoothies.  But, let’s just eat real food, folks.
8. You have a researched, reasoned opinion on why you hate agave. 
It’s evolved over time. You forget why, exactly, you’re currently using honey. But really, sugar addiction by any name—fructose, glucose, whatever—hardly smells sweet. You try to pass.
The reasons could go on forever…
9. You regularly sign professional emails with “Gratitude” or “Blessings.”
 
And so does everyone in your world. “Best” gives you shivers.
Ha ha.  This one really made me giggle.  My email signature either reads, “Blessings” or “In health.”
10. You’ve had an intuitive massage.
The only disturbing moment was hearing about your past life as a Civil War wife. Who knew? And while we’re on the topic, it’s called bodywork.
Of course – thank you, Boulder.
11. You can’t look at a croissant without seeing inflammation. 
Which is too bad, because you used to really enjoy gluten.
No flaky biscuits for me.
12. You have a favorite MC Yogi song.
It’s the one about Gandhi.
Krishna Das.  Astounding and breathtaking…
Big dark pink Lotus Flower photo
13. You own nutritional yeast AND you know what to do with it.
Popcorn and avocado toast are naked without it.
Cheesy.
14. Frankly, you’re a little stressed out by corn. 
It’s the next gluten …. But…. It’s a gluten-free grain. (AAAAAAAAH!)
Yikes.  Shouldn’t we all be?
15. Before you order in a restaurant, you ask yourself, What would Dr. Frank Lipman say?
And you know the answer: when in doubt, just eat the kale!
Kale is my candy.
kale+chips
16. You’ve had at least one episode in which you walked into a grocery store and had no idea what to buy, because all you saw was a death trap of processed food, pesticides, hormones, sugar, and GMOs.
Gratitude for almond butter.
You are what you eat.  I certainly do eat my share of almond butter, don’t I?
butter
17. You’ve made peace with the fact that you smell like coconut oil.
What else would you use to cook, moisturize, remove makeup, floss, and fuel your car?
Sometimes it’s hard not to lick my arm after my evening coconut oil application!
 
18. You know that six hours of sleep is a FAIL.
That’s why you have a sleep routine, followed with a glass of warm water and lemon in the morning.
Not getting enough sleep AND failing really do stress me out.
19. Off the top of your head, you can name at least six uses for apple cider vinegar. 
You call it “ACV.” And you can’t remember much about your toxic life before it.
My latest fav…drinking vinegars.  Yum!  (Genki-Su is amazing – it’s actually made from coconut vinegar).
GenkiSu
20. The question you hate most is when someone asks how much you paid for your Vitamix. 
It’s just worth it, OK?
Absolutely.  

3 thoughts on “20 Signs You’re A Wellness Junkie

  1. Funny and…well, scary TRUE…in a good way I think!

    YES to #1 (including bentonite clay), #3 (I’ve had mine for 20 years! before most ppl knew a what VitaMix was…chrome bottom, stainless steel canister and all. I am fantasizing lately about the 5200 or better! but sill love my dyno 😉 #4 (been a mason jar freak forever…my preferred mug for lemon/ginger/cayenne “tea”, bulk foods & nuts canisters, canning berry & fruit jams, and my “kitchen beauty products!…long before plastic scare), #6, #7 (love both for worthy reasons….but at the end of the day, juice for radical quick healing), #8, #11, #13, #14 (infrequently and organic only!), #15 (I’m always concerned about the oils used), #16 (why I only frequent the produce section apart from TP, paper towels and kitty pate’), #17, #18, #19, and #20 (FREE!!! It was a wedding gift!!).

    P.S. I LOVE almond butter too! Straight from the grinder 😉

    Peace, passion and purpose, my friend!!!!

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