Rather than call my self a procrastinator, I’ve determined that I have an inborn (or perhaps learned) response to hold on ever so tightly to the familiar things in my life.  No matter how uncomfortable or damaging those things may be – habit and lifestyle speaking – for some reason, my entire enterprise seems to be determined to just hold on.  The discomfort and distress caused by my habits and patterns are what I know best and continually engaging in them keeps me inside my dark and tiny little box, which is secure.  This is a fascinating concept to me.  It’s cold and it’s dark in here.  I can see the light outside, the bright sun and liberty that surrounds my box.  It looks amazing and wonderful.  There are times when my weary legs gain strength and begin to propel me forward.  Ever so slightly I begin to crawl into the colorful greenery outside, reaching for the radiant blue sky and the filtered Light of Freedom, yet I find my fingertips wrapped so very tightly around the withering edges of my cozy, dark “home,” clinging to the rough edges, that I simply cannot let go.  I look back into the unlit and murky box.  It’s so murky and stale in there.  Painfully small and restricted, lonely.  But it’s mine.  I know every single corner, every bump in the base and sideboards.  I know exactly which position hurts most and what the outcome of each and every moment inside will be.  I turn my head again to the world outside.  Fresh air, color and Light in the distance.  My heart races.  I’m almost there.  BUT, as appealing as the new seems to be, it’s just that.  It’s new.  Unknown, unexplored, vast, boundless, and unfamiliar.  I see the Light.  I know it’s there.  I choose to crawl back inside the box, clutching tightly the well worn sides of my “home,” making the decision not to let go today.

The tempting familiarity of my box wins once again.  It’s cold and dark, but it’s my cold and dark, and I know it well.  That’s what matters.  Does it really?  I think again.  I won’t give up.  I’m going to let the Light IN.  I cannot make it out today, but I’m going to let that Light IN.  Rather than let that darkness that surrounds me engulf and swallow me as well, I will lift my hands in praise, receiving all that is offered to me.  The Freedom that exists is a gift.  It is there.  I may not be capable of running towards it just yet, but it WILL fill me and it WILL change me.  With arms open wide, I close my eyes.  I see that Light rush inside, vanquishing the emptiness inside.  Blessings and praises.  I’m so very full of Light there is no longer room for anything else at all.  I am beaming and radiant with The Light.

Not all of us are able to let go quite yet.  Open your arms.  Open your heart.  Let the light inside.

‘Tis the season of light.  Bless you.


Little blessings count too!  This year we have invited a teeny tiny little blessing of light into our teeny tiny little home.


7 thoughts on “Letting Go – and Letting In…

  1. Ashley Dear,
    There’s something about habit in the atmosphere — everywhere I go, someone is addressing habits and how to work with them for change. I read Dr. John Berardi of Precision Nutrition who says to pick one small change and work to implement it (and only it) for two whole weeks. That’s the beginning of a new habit. Notice there’s nothing there about changing a habit, just forming a new one. Pick one action which will allow that light to come to you. (Hint: it must be more than raising your hands in praise).

    1. Tina,
      You’re absolutely right. Instead of trying to eliminate something for change, often causing the spirit and psyche distress, adding a new behavior and creating something positive (letting in), so that eventually there is really no room for the old (letting go), growth and change take place without the feeling of deprivation and loss. Absolutely!

  2. Relating to your insights, this reminds me of a poem I wrote I want to share.

    My soul walked in a shadow;
    My soul walks within the light

    Walking in my shadow,
    Anger, fear and despair appear,
    At times, the path seems endless,
    At times I stumble, in darkness,
    Deep within my katabasis,
    I scoop out the ashes,
    When my soul will grow,
    Soul can reason, soul will know,
    And behold that hidden in my shadow,

    Walking within the light,
    My path leads to happiness,
    In love that binds,
    Light consoles my soul,
    I’m not alone, I know,
    Light lets me see, helps me grow
    Strong like a redwood tree,
    The light is my friend that lives within,

    Dare we go into our shadow
    We might see a brighter light.

  3. Great blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers?
    I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
    Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option?

    There are so many choices out there that I’m totally confused .. Any suggestions? Thank you!

    1. Congratulations on starting your own blog. My first and foremost suggestion would be: don’t wait! Do it today! We are constantly putting things off for one reason or another. Just do it – and things will come together.
      Word Press offers both free and customizable platforms. I think it offers some great features, but can be difficult to navigate on the backend. You may want to briefly consider other blogging sites too – but don’t use that as an excuse to put off writing one more day. Look around, decide what seems visually appealing. You can always upgrade at a later date once you get going.

      I hope to hear from you again soon!

  4. Howdy! This blog post could not be written any better!
    Going through this article reminds me of my previous
    roommate! He continually kept talking about this. I’ll send this post to him. Fairly certain he’ll
    have a very good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

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